Category: Dating and Relationships
I was thinking about stuff earlier today and actually realised that there are a lot of zoners in relationships with people in completely different areas of their countries and, in certain cases the world.
I know the saying is that "love has no boundaries" but does this traverse the distance problem as well?
any thaughts?
Well, I think distance is a very important factor that does need to be taken into account, even when you’re considering a relationship with someone. It is true to say that we can’t help who we fall in love with, but true love *does not* conquer all. Distance brings with it a whole different selection of issues such as insecurities, i.e. the partner is not always there to reassure the other that everything in the relationship is ok, and there are the frustrations of not being able to be together whenever you want to be together. If the couple live in separate countries I think that there are other things that need to be taken into account. Is it pheasible for instance, that one or other partner will be able to move in the future in order that they can be together. And I think these are things that need to be addressed early in the relationship, because I think that if there is no possibility of that happening, it is best to end the relationship before you get too involved, and that way, although there is hurt, the hurt is that much less. I believe that a distance relationship can work, in the short term, but I think that there has to be intent. If you want to be together I think you should plan for that to happen say within a year, the longer it goes on, the more chance there is of partners drifting apart because of the frustrations etc involved.
its okay to have long distance relationships if you see your partner ones in awhole. because dietance is really a big problem. what id you needed someone to talk to or just be with and the person is not there and too far away then the relationship may not work but if you feel each other then it may work but most of hte time. it does not.
Well, there is only the difference between if I met the person or if I didn't. Relationships with people you met can work, definitely. I don#t think however - because of my own experiences - internet relationships with long distance work.
ah but what do you consider to be a relationship that has "worked". after all, the relationship has only worked if, after having been apart, you can actually be together, permanently. you only know if a long distance relationship has worked when you have achieved that.
well, I have this friend who for years and years told me how bad internet dating was, and how it never worked. etc. etc.
well he met this person off a mailing list.
she lived in China and he in Texas, to make a long story short he went to China several times and now she lives here and there married!
btw there both blind if that matters at all!
Yeah if they can meet, then it can work indeed!!!! But i would never have a relationship with someone I would never meet anyway, and it is also hard to start a relationship only based on the net, with someone you negver met before. You can't say you love him, then. This is what i found out tghrough personal experiences.
I couldn't imagine a better way to become paranoid about whether the person you are dating ..is A..honest...B..loyal and ..C prepared to commit over the net or several 100 miles.No I am not 1 for long distance relationships its a question of trust, a great deal of trust, and you may always be wondering and asking yourself far too many hard to answer questions
Well I think you have to be realistic. Not all long distance relationships happen because of an encounter over the internet, some couples have to part for whatever reason and then decide to keep the relationship going in the hope that they will be together again one day. However, I think that the longer you are apart without the possibility of being together, the harder it is to keep the relationship going. As I said in a previous post, if you are going to have a long distance relationship, there has to be the intention to be together again at some point in the future. And I think the longer you are apart, the more inevitable it is that the relationship will not work out. And yes, I speak from personal experience. When I left south Africa I left a boyfriend there. I had every intention of going back, so we didn’t split up. We kept up communication for a year, but it was very, very frustrating. When once you have had someone there to talk to, to hold, to be with and they then are not there, you miss that closeness. And talking on the phone just can’t make up for that. Well after a year of promising to go back I finally booked my ticket. And the day I booked my ticket he called and told me he’d been seeing someone else for the past six months. So .. suffice to say I’m still in the UK. I know how with hindsight that it was inevitable really, sure I’d rather he’d told me about it sooner rather than later, but you just can’t keep a relationship going over that distance without seeing each other at all, and for such a long period of time. It just isn’t possible. Now don’t get me wrong, if you see each other sometimes, and there is intent to be together in the future, a long distance relationship can work, my second long distance relationship was with the guy I ultimately married, so there is hope, but you do need to have your eyes open to the possibility that it might not. And the less you see each other, the less chance there is of it working. And there is one other thing … in my first such relationship, I was 19, now I consider that I was a very mature 19, but I was 19 none the less, and that, in reality, is quite young. Over the course of a year, or two years, when you are young, you change, you grow up, and sometimes, that can happen at different rates. It is possible that the guy you last saw a year ago, is now not the same guy he was then. Not because he’s changed for the worse, but more because he has just changed because of growing up perhaps, or because of things that have happened in his life that you weren’t a part of. And that in itself can make a difference.
Of course it is hard to trust each other on a long-distance relationship. But in the end, it's A: easier to trust than an internet relationship, and B: if you see the partner again, the joy about it is much better than if you see him/her every day. Which doesn'T mean that I don'T want to see mine every day don't get me wrong. I just think it is worth trying, and personally, I feel who I can trust and who not.
Okay, here's my oppinion. If two ppl are willing to make the long distance relationship work, there has to be a great amount of trust, patience, and determination. First, You've got to decide if you can take the times apart, second, you've gtot to decide that you are going to meet and see each other. At some point the issue of who's going to move has to come up, but taking the time to get to know one another first must occur in order to find out whether the relationship will survive the hard times or not. Personally, if it works for ya, go for it. If it doesn't work for ya, then don't. Although I must say, you can't help who you fall in love with, or you can't help who you are attracted to. Hope that helps.
I'm in a reasonbley long distance relationship right now, and it seems to be fine. but I think that is because we are allowed to see eachother, when it can be aranged. I love and trust him, and I know he loves and trusts me too. that's the only way I think it can work.
LD relationships are incredibly testing on patience and tollerence and trust. Only few pass these tests and the many obstacles and circumstances that undoubtedly arise.
Yeah I know what you guys mean. Well, fortunately due to modern technology and such, it's easier to continue a long distance relationship and make it work. I mean, you can almost know someone just as well because of all the cell phones and internet access and such. I've been there.
Hey about distance. I wanted to be with that someone that I can see every Saturday or at least ones a month or just be with that peron. If possible hopefully that someone is in our neighborhood. But I know its not going to haooen. You see distance relationships has some advantages and disadvantages. Well that person can prove how much he/ she loves you and just by talking and e mailing you every day that’s the advantage. How strong the feelings are towards the person. The disadvantage is that if you want to be with that person and give him/ her a hug or a kiss or just being together as a couple, its hard because your so far away from each other. But for me in my past. I would rather meet that person, meeting someone in person is so much better than just online dating. But hey long distance relationships will work if you saw that person.
One more thing. Make sure you always express how much you love, or care, or adore the person. Talking about how you feel for each other is important, cause you can't physically show it, by the touch of the hand, a kiss, or an embrace. Never stop expressing your self, or things can change. Don't just assume the person knows how you feel. Tell them anyway.
nicely said bridgette
just like what bridgette and np said, it is important to fully express your feeling towards him / her. if you both do not think of having any ferther future of meeting one another, it is good that do not try to touch long distence relationship. but if you both have plan to meet one another and you both will work hard on it to let it happen, it will be something worthy for trying.
Wo, first of all, until you meet you are not in a relationship. Emails, letters, phone conversations and I M chats are all well and good, but they are not a relationship. You might have a comittment to meet, but not a real relationship until you actually meet the person. That being said, all of those afore mentioned forms of communication are great for keeping a long distance relationship going. I'm not saying that people can't carry on a relationship, especially a long distance relationship over the net, but, one can't claim that a contact that exists only over the net is a real relationship, there must be intent to meet and an actual meeting somewhere in that. I think the question of a long distance relationship is one you ask your self long before you ask your partner or potential partner. You have to ask your self a lot of things. "Can I trust them?" Not are they trustworthy, but rather "Am I secure enough to be able to trust them?", "How strong willed am I: could I remain true to them?", "How will I deal with not being able to be emotionally fulfilled by them on a regular basis?" I.E. holding each other, talking in person, sitting in silence together just being together, etc, "How will I be able to handle not being physically fulfilled by them on a regular basis?" I.E. How can you handle infrequent kissing, hugging or sex? Once you ask such things of your self you need to ask the same of your partner. Then there's reality, for example if two people who have no or next to no income plan to have a long distance relationship and they live on opposite sides of a continent they will only be able to meet perhaps once or twice a year. That is not realistic and it is not fare to either partner. However, if they each make a little money and they plan well they could meet say, six times a year or once a month. That wouldn't be easy, but it could work. Also it depends on the couple in question. If a couple who are intelligent, good planners and have good communication skills can agree on alternating who will do the traveling and also to seeing each other between twelve and six times a year if they live on the same continent or six to four times a year if they live on seperate continents then they will be all right. I agree also with previous posts in that there should be some discussion of one partner moving, once the relationship has been established and nurtured for a while. If neither partner is even willing to consider the idea of moving at some point in the future then no relationship really exists there. This is such a complicated question, and it is so relative, just so subjective that I won't even try to address it further, accept perhaps in future as it applies directly to me.
As far as long distance relationship goes, many people have different opinions about it. Many people would not even want to consider it because it’s going to be hard for them to keep the relationship going. I used to think that way before. I know it’s going to be hard, but sometimes it depends on the people in the relationship. This is my first long distance relationship, and I know people will give me a lot of opposing views to make their points, but I think it depends on how the people handle it. You know the quote so close and yet so far? Sometimes, you got to know how to communicate and trust the other person in order for this whole thing to work out. It’s not about how far you are from one another, but how much you understand, love, and trust one another. It’s really hard, but if you put some effort to it, it will work. Just make sure you both know how to give and take. As far as the physical affection goes? Well, it’s really going to be a long wait, but if your patient enough then it will be worth your while. There is a warning though, if your not ready to put in an effort to keep it going, then, don’t even consider going into one because it will be really hard. This is my opinion, anyone can say something against it, it’s all right with me. As long as you work hard on something, you’ll make it no matter how far or how hard the situation gets.
Probably i was wrong about what i said.
Hmmm... Well, I believe confusion is upon you. the important thing is that your trying the relationship. If you find that it's not for you, then never do it again. Or perhaps if you do indeed go into a long distance relationship, think about if you can see them or not. I am currently in one myself, but in the same state. We see each other and it is great, however with seeing each other comes problems. Its just confusion and you will do what's best for you whether you continue the long distance relationship or not. Your not wrong, your are jsut confuxsed. there is nothing wrong with that. many situations come our way in life and we all get confused. So don't think less of yourself if you are so.
Thanks for the advice. I will admit to this board that i'm confused. I'll eventually get over this confussion. Thanks again alonzo